Sorry I blamed you Mother Nature

I got bad news yesterday morning that my cousin, who is more like a friend to me lost her baby girl before she could welcome her to her life and this world. I had no words to express. I was so sorry for her loss. For a second my heart felt numb my body went cold. I could feel intense emotional pain within. Even though I wasn’t next to her I could feel that quiet moment she must have gone through when she heard that news of losing her first child.

Being mother myself, I could relate to what she was going through but the intensity of pain was felt only by her, someone who has lost her child. I still clearly remember my cousin's face when I met her last year. She was overly excited about her pregnancy and about her soon-to-be motherhood.

My mind started rushing with all those thoughts and facts that she might have to go through very shortly after she gave birth to a stillborn baby. What she must have felt when in hospital? Did she get scared? Would she hold her baby? Who would bathe and dress her? Did everyone gather to bless her baby? Did grandparents get to see their first grandchild in the family? Hoping she got some keepsakes and mementos and took lots of pictures? How would she feel to leave without baby in couple of days after she gets discharged from the hospital? Losing someone is painful. Grieving for them is, at times, unbearable. But forgetting them? Impossible just when you least expect it. I was at this point not even thinking of how baby’s father felt? I personally feel that when mother carries baby in her womb, father carries it in his mind? I was thinking of grandparents who are now getting old and can barely stand strong to see their children crying in pain, pain that would live deep impact for rest of their lives.

All these bad feelings piled up in my thoughts and I instinctively blamed Mother Nature to be so cruel. I curse her to be so thoughtless, so mercilessly hurting innocent creatures and playing with their emotions. I started to recall every major thing Mother Nature did to living being. How she harms innocents by getting moody and generating Avalanches, Blizzards, Contractible diseases, Cyclones, Earthquakes, Famines, Floods and Landslides, Heat waves, Limnic eruptions, Storms, Tornadoes, Tsunami, Volcanic eruptions, Wildfires and bushfires.

I thought enough is enough. I got upset and I got angry. In a way I was asking her the reasons why she made us, living beings so fragile, when she is so strong. Every mother struggles to give life, strength, happiness to their little ones, I asked why not you Mother Nature? Why Mother Nature? After a while I thought it’s unfair to blame someone. Things happen when it has to happen. So I thought of sitting down quietly without any thoughts or any harsh questions in my mind.

I started reflecting asking myself one question, have I shut all the doors of my mind, am I not thinking? Did I not pay close attention to the messages Mother Nature is trying to convey, all the lessons she ever taught us?

Her existence itself is a lesson and true example of how she abides us together, all living beings together. She gave birth to trees to teach us true meaning of selflessness, serving lives without any motto. Trees which then bears fruit so that we could overcome hunger, let her branches spread wide across to build nests and shades. Mother Nature has given birth to the affectionate Sun who is potentially sole reason why we living beings still survive. Mother Nature has got the courage to let sun go away every evening and waits patiently. She conceived seas and rivers that are so know for its generosity and then our earth that does everything to be rated as best in hospitality.

I felt I was gradually calming down. I was recalling lessons learnt from Mother Nature. I heard a voice trying to say something gently passing from my face towards my ears. Asking me to recall how I entered in this world after all that struggle I had to go through with that umbilical cord surrounded which could potentially strangle me, or that water which could have decided to stop protecting me. All those stages of my existence, from conception to the day I was born.

I knew that voice was trying to remind me every struggle I went through to start with. That voice asked me why I complained in the first place? Did I not learn my lesson yet? Did I not realise that life is sweeter version of struggle?

Like I always did, I questioned that voice and asked why I was given parents if life was a struggle, to which I heard a laughter and answer following it saying that I wasn’t thinking of all the struggles I went through to grasp little air when trying to suck milk and all those sleepless nights I had when my teeth tear my jaws and many bumps I had on every fall. I had to agree and was left speechless. I had nothing more to ask or say. I got the message. That message was to build my hope back together again. I was ashamed of blaming my teacher, my guardian only because I couldn’t recall all that Mother Nature taught me in my life so far.

I really hope my cousin will soon be blessed with a beautiful healthy baby. I have no more words to say. 

Gia Guru Nayak