I try to reflect on self by sitting down quietly everyday for 15 minutes after my son, Gautam goes to bed. This is a time when I try to recall every little details, which occurred in a day.
Thinking about people I met, what I spoke, how I responded to people's gestures, how I replied to their questions, what conversations I had and what it led to, if I gave enough time to everyone I met today, if I was considerate, if I was thoughtful, hoping I did not try to overly get involved in people's lives by commenting in a way supporting their views, if I tried to manipulate things so it looks like I was right, if I tried to raise my voice because I felt I was right or maybe I felt I knew more, if I said thank you to show appreciation to people who helped me, if I fed my family, my fishes, my pets and birds outside?
Did I help someone without expecting favours in return and finally thinking of what I can do to make sure that with all these questions in my mind I should start with fresh thoughts next sunrise without getting too judgmental or trying to convince myself that I hold better position and not trying to look down upon others.
When I get answers to all my questions in my thoughts I then tend to repeat this sentence in my mind for couple of times "what matters today means nothing tomorrow", saying so helps me to grow within. This sentence directs me to neutral gear.
I then smile, this smile is in a way commanding my brain to erase little details which really makes no sense if present in thoughts and makes no difference if it's nonexistent. It takes about 10 minutes to get answers to my questions; the remaining 5 minutes are to frame questions for next fresh start.
Will I smile and greet every individual I meet, no matter what experience I had with him or her, good or bad? Will I give enough quality time to people so they get chance to express themselves too? Will I show appreciation to everyone who supported my existence and stand by me when I needed the most? Strangers are teachers of life too will I respect them? I don't have to be right every time; will I show consideration to those who have their own views? It's natural to get in argument as everyone thinks not the same, will I remind myself to forgive and forget? Am I sure that I served my child and husband before I could lend helping hands to others? Will I always be aware that my existence on earth is not to hurt some, or be judgmental every minute, or to make comments or say something on every incidents, or to compare myself to others or vice versa? Will I be aware that every individual have their own rights to own things they have, be that intelligence or intangible goods as I have no rights to prove self or anyone their grades with superior or inferior tags?
Towards the end of 15 minutes when I am done with framing questions for my better tomorrow I then tend to have 2 minutes of peaceful no thoughts moment. These 2 minutes of quite moment has thought me a lesson too that I need to conquer the war within. Most of my good and bad of life is on how I think. I need to learn to open and broaden ways of thinking so that it helps me to look at life from different aspects and not get carried away with limited thoughts making my life along with others quite painful. I need to remember one sentence "what matters today means nothing tomorrow" to conquer the war within.
Gia Guru Nayak
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